Are you a "Ghosted" victim?

Been dating someone recently only to have them disappear out of your life without a trace? Then you may well be a ghosted victim…

Never before have we been so globally connected through technology and devices, yet so disconnected from ‘self’ and others. Technology has changed the way we do so many things from managing our lives through apps to the way we communicate with each other.

As a result, the dating game has changed significantly too.

Gone are the days where you would meet someone, start a conversation, date for a few months or so before you moved to the next level by giving that person your class ring.

Nowadays we have dating sites like Tinder, professional match makers and social media where you can go from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘it’s complicated’ in seconds.

I’ve written articles before on how the use of the Emoji is changing the way we communicate and express ourselves and the complexities that comes with that – you can read them here and here.

One of the latest trend is “ghosting”…..

For those of you that don’t know what ghosting is, it’s a way of ending a relationship without actually telling the person you are breaking up with them. You simply disappear….. like a ghost. Cowardly perhaps or a convenient way of avoiding awkward conversations and situations perhaps?

There’s even an app called Ghostbot that you can download that helps you “ghost away from fleeting relationships without the emotional baggage.”

It’s not surprising then that 78 percent of Millennials have admitted to being ghosted and 11 percent admit to being ghosters themselves.

The question I keep asking myself here is what values are these ‘ghosters’ subscribing to?

• Is there such a thing as olden day vs. modern day values?
• Has it become socially acceptable to just disappear on someone without any sort of explanation?
• Is this how we manage conflict these days?
• What job are we doing as parents when it comes to instilling values and morals in our children?
• Have we become so self-absorbed that we don’t stop for one second to consider the impact we are having on others?
• Have we become so numb to our emotions and that of others?

I don’t think I would like to be ‘ghosted” or ‘ghost’ someone. It just feels wrong.

For me it feels like a bit of a cop-out where you’re all for having fun but don’t want to face the consequences that come with having the fun. Like all things in life, we have choices and when we make a choice, we need to understand the consequences of the choices we make. Part of this is taking accountability and responsibility for our choices.

Dating someone, sleeping with someone, being romantically involved with someone comes with a responsibility – and that responsibility is first and foremost to respect them as a fellow human being (followed by all the other million and one reasons I can think of but would be too long to go into here).

Perhaps this is why so many single people out there can’t seem to sustain a relationship – they don’t really have a real, concrete picture of what it is that they are looking for in a partner so anything goes. We live in a world where instant gratification is the norm and treat potential partners and relationships in the same light – if it’s not working after 3 days you’re out and it’s in with the new.

If you would like to discuss something about your relationship or a challenge you are facing at the moment, please contact me here. I’ll be happy to assist you with it.