A hobosexual is a person who enters into a relationship so they have shelter, in other words a free home or place to stay which seems to be a common trend currently happening in the UK and USA.

So what causes people into such set ups?

People go into relationships for all sorts of reasons but the more common one’s being: financial, sexual (friends with benefits), fear of commitment and not wanting to be alone.

How do you know the signs of whether the new love of your life is for real or just a free meal

The biggest red flag that a relationship is not all it is made out to be is when things move to soon to quickly over a short space of time and you’re in way too deep professing your undying love, wanting to take the relationship to the next level such as moving in together, get married etc.

Here are some of the common signs to look out for in relationships with hobosexuals:

  • Your behaviour has changed drastically as a result of your new relationship e.g. you stop going out, seeing your friends/family and you’re spending all your time with your new beu.
  • Your new partner has hopped from one relationship to the next and never really spent time on their own between relationships, they have little/no friends of their own and don’t keep in touch with their own family.
  • Your partner is still living at home with their parents or they are crashing at a friend/ex-girlfriend.
  • They may even be unemployed, in-between jobs or seem to have very little ambition or direction, in other words they seem to be floating without anything concrete going for them.
  • Our family and friends keep pointing out the obvious but we keep justifying or making excuses for our partner’s behaviour.

Is this becoming the norm in today’s world of dating?

Any relationship that is one sided stands the risk of falling apart over time as one partner begins to realise their needs or not being met.

This kind of behaviour is not normal when it comes to healthy relationships and would fall into the similar patterns and trends as ghosting, bread-crumbing, cat phishing and the likes.

The person behaving in this kind of way has very real issues they need to deal with in order to be able to have and sustain a healthy relationship. No one likes to feel used or taken advantage of and it can have serious negative outcomes for all involved especially when the person realises they have been used for shelter rather than actually being in a committed relationship with them.

A person would very likely feel very used and abused, they may even feel resentment from being taken advantage of by the supposed love of their life. They can also feel let down and disappointed and this can have an impact on their self-esteem and self-confidence going forward into their next relationship.

There is also the possibility that this experience can create trust issues as to whether their new partner really wants to be with them or is also using them like their ‘Ex’ did.

Do we judge this as right or wrong behaviour?

As human beings we naturally judge people even when we don’t mean to based on our perception of what is right and wrong, and where our values and morals stand.

The bigger challenge is getting the hobosexual person to own up to their behaviour and take responsibility for it as well as the impact it has on the other person involved. It can cause very real damage to a person both mentally and emotionally and can impact their future relationships, possibly even scarring them for life.

Trends show that more women have fallen victim to such behaviour then men.

This is because women are naturally caretakers and nurturers so are more susceptible to this kind of behaviour as their nurturing instinct kicks in. They get caught up in the romantic notion of having a man that just wants to be with them 24/7 who is quite happy to morph into their life. If it seems too good to be true it probably is.

A version of this article also appeared in the City Press

Paula Quinsee is a Relationship Expert, Tedx speaker and author of self-help guides ‘Embracing Conflict’ and ‘Embracing No’. Paula works with individuals and organisations to cultivate healthy relationships in both their personal and professional arenas by focusing on emotional skills and personal growth and development. She regularly appears in the media and consulted to ‘Married at First Sight SA’ TV show.

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