The common reason why couples break up.
Break ups are never black and white, but according to new research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, most people are surprisingly ambivalent right before a breakup and have almost equal reasons for wanting to stay and wanting to go.
The most common reason for wanting to break up?
Attachment anxiety, or the anxiety associated with being rejected or let down. Other common reasons cited included emotional distance, a power imbalance, or violation of an expectation (e.g. cheating).
So what does this mean?
Couples who have been together for a period of time tend to get complacent and stop making their partner and relationship a priority focus. Everything else becomes more important and their relationship takes a back seat. Over time this can leave partners feeling unappreciated, invisible, not heard, not valued, not a priority, invisible and so much more. This is what leads couples to break up, emotional needs are not being met in some way, form or shape.
So how do you ensure a break up does not happen?
Communication = Connection.
Keep the communication alive, especially when you are experiencing a ‘speed-bump’ (i.e. you’re disconnected and not on the same page with each other). All couples go through a bad patch here and there. This does not mean that you are no longer compatible or that your relationship is over. It’s just feedback that something is not working and you have a choice to fix it.
December is a great opportunity to review and reflect on your life and relationship:
- Where have you achieved the goals you set for yourself and where not?
- What do you consider the highs and lows of your year and what will you look to do differently?
- What are your focus areas going to be in the new year?
The two areas I am going to be focusing on are: Delivery and being injury free.
- Delivery because I tend to procrastinate when it comes to doing the ‘boring’ tasks on my To Do list which gets me behind in the work I need to do.
- Injury free because I’ve struggled with quite a few running injuries this past year which is affecting my health and well-being (running is my stress outlet and when I’m grumpy my hubby suffers!)
I’ll also be focusing on our next groups of intakes into the Mancave Mastermind Program and the Womenology Masterclass.
I still remember the day we launched the Mancave Mastermind Program and the group of guys who were brave enough to sign-up and made it all possible from there on out – Gerard, Andile, Manfred, Greg and Benjamin thank you for walking the journey with me, I am eternally grateful!
It is also thanks to these same gents that the Womenology Masterclass was launched. The guys attending the program wanted their respective partners to experience the value they were getting so that they could also excel in their respective environments. As a result of the impact of the program, the Mancave Mastermind program was featured on Real Health TV show.
The program aims to empower individuals to be a better person, a better partner and a better leader and is about improving the areas of your life that matter most to you. I’d love for you to join us on this journey.
Lastly, thank you for being a member of this incredible community and for allowing me in to your in box every day, here’s wishing you and your loved ones a wonderful festive season and safe holidays!
Paula Quinsee is a Relationship Expert, Tedx speaker and author of Embracing Conflict. Paula is also a consultant to the TV show ‘Married at First Sight SA’. She works with individuals and organisations to cultivate healthy relationships in both their personal and professional arenas by focusing on emotional skills and personal growth and development.