Making sure the holiday season is a happy one
Did you know that January is considered divorce month as it is the month with the highest number of divorce applications lodged?
The main reason why this happens is that couples get so caught up in their busy lives that they are often disconnected and when it comes to the December holidays, they struggle to communicate and connect with each other leaving them feeling like they have very little in common. It’s very simple to fix this if you know where your relationship is in the relationship cycle and how to get ‘unstuck’ (find out more details here).
But it really doesn’t have to be this way. There are some things couples can do over the Christmas break that can actually bring them closer together. Sure, it will take a bit of work, but it will be well worth the effort when January comes.
One of the biggest relationship killers is expectations, which tend to come up even more at Christmas time. Everyone has ideas about what’s going to happen, how gifts are going to work, who is expected to do what, and other seemingly small issues that, if not addressed, can have quite explosive results. The key to a successful Christmas is talking through every aspect of the holidays with your partner. Make sure you’re on the same page with each other.
Money is another big stress factor for any relationship, but even more so over the holidays when differences in spending priorities become more apparent. In this instance, good planning (and sticking to a budget) can really help – the compromise of committing to an agreed upon budget is a great way to prevent potential conflict before it has the chance to come up.
We are in some trying economic times, and not everyone has money for Christmas presents. Giving of your time (or an IOU voucher) or writing a letter of gratitude to someone can be a really rewarding alternative to giving things. Not only for the people you spend time with but for each other as well, as you bond over the shared experience of quality time and being fully present to each other (including your kids).
Family and friends can also cause lots of anxiety over the holiday period whether it be your in-laws, your siblings children, the bombastic uncle or that nosy neighbour that keeps popping up at the most inopportune times. So how do you deal with this? Try to remember that everyone is different and has different views, you’re only going to be together for the ‘now’ not the ‘forever’ so try be understanding and flexible.
If need, limit your time and interaction with the people that seem to press your buttons. Schedule time to do your own thing so that you’re not always in each others space. You may also need to set firm boundaries beforehand so that everyone knows what is expected of each other while you are al together which helps to manage conflict down the line.
Support each other. No one is perfect, so you should never be afraid of appearing less-than-perfect to friends, family, or even yourselves over the holidays. Accept that life happens, that even the best plans sometimes don’t work out. Laugh and have fun. Christmas is a lovely time to make new memories, so go easy on yourself, don’t take things so seriously. Just go with it, and enjoy your time together over this festive season. Remember that the shared experience you have with your partner and family is more important than getting everything “perfectly so”.
Lastly, the key to building better relationships, in my experience, is communication, communication, communication, and arming yourself with knowledge and skills that establishes a strong bond you can both draw on to handle any situation that comes your way.
Paula runs both men’s and women’s 6-month personal growth and development programs that ultimately aims to help individuals become better people, partners and leaders. The men’s program, The Mancave Mastermind Program and the women’s program the Womenology Masterclass run twice a year from Jan-Jun and Jun-Dec. These life changing programs has had a huge impact and you can view the video testimonials from both the men and women that have previously attended these courses.
Paula Quinsee is a Relationship Expert, Tedx speaker and author of Embracing Conflict and Embracing No and also consulted to ‘Married at First Sight SA’ TV show. She works with individuals and organisations to cultivate healthy relationships in both their personal and professional arenas by focusing on emotional skills and personal growth and development.