Are you living on autopilot?

Spending an average of 8hrs a day in the workplace and with the people we work with, it makes sense that having healthy relationships is key to not only workplace happiness but ultimately productivity too.

However, we operate on autopilot every day, up to 90% of our day is on autopilot e.g. brushing our teeth, driving to/from work, greeting people when we arrive at the office etc

When we are operating on autopilot, we are not aware of what is going on inside of us (emotions) and around us (environment, other people) and the constant feedback we are getting (from ourselves, from the environment/situation and from others)

Human beings are social by nature so it is essential for us to have good relationships with our ‘self’, in our personal and professional arena’s, but we can’t do this effectively if we are operating on autopilot.

According to recent Gallup Report, when we have good relationships in the workplace, we are up to 7x more engaged which enables us to be creative and innovative.

Good relationships are essential for our personal and career growth, that age old cliché “it’s not what you know but who you know’ bears testimony to this. Many a promotion or career advancement has come about as a result of being in the right place at the right time with the right people giving you a helping hand (i.e. a referral, a recommendation, providing an opportunity).

The key characteristics of a good relationship are:

So how do you go about building good relationships in the workplace?

There is actually very little difference between our professional and personal relationships – the basic principles are the same – the key difference being that our personal relationships are more emotionally charged as they are driven by romantic love, whilst in the workplace, we are driven by the love we feel for the organization we work for, our fellow colleagues and being valued for the contribution we are making (e.g. rewards and recognition).

Just as children mimic their parents behavior, so too do employees mimic the leadership behavior in the organization. Parents set the tone by which the family functions and thrives whilst leaders set the tone for the corporate culture, values, vision and mission so yes the basic principles are the same.

If you are looking to build great relationships in your professional (or personal) environment, then focus on these key elements:

 

• Develop people skills

Also known as Social Intelligence (SQ), work at taking a genuine interest in people you work with. Enquire about their well-being, their family, acknowledge their personal achievements (e.g. sport, birthday, anniversary etc). Learn how to be a good communicator and listener.

 Every relationship has a transactional component to it, in other words you add value to the each other through your behaviour, skills, knowledge, insights, values etc. Understand the value that each relationship holds for you (positive and negative) and how you can maintain the value (e.g. be the go to person for a specific skill-set). This is not only about getting your needs met but also meeting other people needs.

If you don’t make time for your relationships, over time you won’t have a relationship. Set a reminder in your diary if you need to, take a walk around the floor/building, talk to people, have coffee chats with them, build a connection. When people know you care, they tend to be more engaged, committed and participative.

People often confuse EQ with mindfulness. They are two very different elements but are very much intertwined. EQ is the personal growth and development work we do to raise our level of self-awareness and emotional state. Mindfulness tools and techniques are one of the ways that we can do this (e.g. meditation, breathing etc) to help us manage our emotional state and presence in the here and now.

Having an attitude of gratitude for life in general and others provides us with a sense of well-being and that all is right in the world. Yet, we very seldom acknowledge and appreciate others for the small things they do, we wait until they have done something big and recognisable before acknowledging their efforts. It’s the small actions done daily that builds a great relationship.

Our attitude and approach to life and our relationships contributes to the health and quality of our relationships. If we have a negative attitude towards our relationships and are always finding fault or complaining about everything, eventually people are not going to want to be around us because it will be emotionally draining. If you want to leave a lasting impact in people’s lives, be encouraging, motivating, supportive and inspiring. As Maya Angelou said: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

It’s important to know your own values and personal boundaries, that way you will not find yourself in uncomfortable or compromising situations. When we have healthy, clear boundaries, we are able to say no to people and situations that do not align to our values and morals – in other words we are living our truth. All relationships need boundaries – a boundary delineates where I end and where you begin. It says this is how you can treat me.

It may be nice to be in the know and what’s going on, but when gossip comes calling, you need to shut the door. Not only is it energy consuming but it can also have a negative impact on everyone around you and it leaves room for way too many misinterpretations, misunderstandings and assumptions. Besides, you have way too many other important things to focus your energy on!

There is a very big difference between listening and hearing. One of the quality traits of a good leader is to be a good listener and that involves more listening that talking. Active listening means you are giving the person and situation your undivided attention, in other words you are fully present in the moment and taking in everything that is being shared with you – both the verbal and non-verbal clues. Did you know that only 7% of our communication is verbal? The rest is all non-verbal in other words our body language, energy we give off, posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, and the words that we use.

Building good relationships are essential to every aspect of our lives, both personal and professional. At the end of the day money doesn’t make the world go round – relationships do.